Thanksgiving?

Sunday was Annabelle's birthday celebration and all of my friends bailed on me. Luckily I have a big family. It was nice that there was only 12-15 of us. Not too big & not too small. Anna fell asleep right before we were to give her her cake to smoosh, so we let her power nap. The night ended on a good note.

The next morning, I was awoken to my daughter saying that my mom needed me quick. I jumped out of bed to see my mom coming up the driveway with my cat dead in her arms. The bastard dogs in the neighborhood were running in a pack and came into our yard and killed my sweet Tonks. I so despise irresponsible pet owners. Upon my insistence, the dogs have been or will be soon, all removed from the neighborhood. My heart is broken. My sweet girl didn't deserve to go out so violently. What if that was one of my human children? It may seem silly, but I had her cremated and they had her ashes back to me in a sweet little urn in less than 24 hours. She loved nibbling on curly ribbon so I tied some around the little vessel that now holds the softest, floofiest, most demanding fat fatty Tonky Toodle that I have had the privilege of knowing. I was her human momma. I got to see her being born and I held her as the life drifted from her sweet, two different colored eyes. Her momma Wink and twin sissy Monte miss her too. I have been letting Wink sleep with me at night now. Before we had to keep the door closed because Tonks would come in & wake Annabelle. Now, the house seems so quiet.

Thanksgiving was nice and gluttonous. I braved Toys R' Us at midnight on Black Friday then after sleep, I made the trek to Target. I pretty much have all of my shopping for the girls done. I just need to get a few small things & I will be set.

Monday the girls go back to their dad's. I have to do some serious cleaning and Christmas time preparations. I think I might even have a date. Who knows? Its a bit scary to think about getting back in the game.

1 year old

The girls had their first visit with their father last week. I almost hate to say that it was a nice little break. But, at the same time, I felt sad when he told me they were just fine. Annabelle went 2 whole days without nursing. I know she was cranky and that she missed me even though they said otherwise. The two days every other week is manageable, but what about when she goes for a week at a time. I guess my reality is quickly approaching; I am going to have to wean her soon. I want to but at the same time I don't. I never got to do this with Evie and it is so precious. But, she will have to eventually spend extended periods of time away from me. I hate being torn.

Tomorrow is her official birthday party. I feel sad for her that she didn't get the birthday & celebration that her sister did. She is an amazing little girl so I have tried to go all out for her party, with what little funds I have. She will not remember, but I will. I want her to know that she was surrounded by her loved ones just as her sister was at her first birthday.

Day One

We have had a very trying 6 months. My ex husband was trying to take the girls away from me and told me that I could be a weekend mom. There was no way I was not going to fight for my girls. My world had come crashing down and I had to keep it together for them, though, I did have my moments of weakness. I cried a lot, but now that I know the three of us are together and with no threat of him trying to take them with no reason, my days of crying are surely coming to an end. I have mourned the last I will mourn for my marriage dying. This is my new beginning and I will do what it takes to make sure my girls have a happy & fulfilling life. I will be honest about the divorce and why my last name is different and I will no longer make excuses for or pick up their father's slack. I think the hardest part for me is that will have to let them see him fail. I have always saved him and I simply cannot do that anymore. He makes a lot of empty promises and it was my job to follow through. I know we can make it. It will be hard work, but I unfortunately come from a long line of single mothers that worked their butts off and made it through. I will carry on the tradition. I just hope it stops with me and that the girls will find someone good that will be with them forever.