2010

Can it get here fast enough?

I am so ready to get the ball rolling for the upcoming year. I will be starting school again to become a Pharmacy Tech and I am incredibly excited. My divorce will be final sometime in January and the child support will be going through the courts. I will no longer have to remind him every two weeks to send the money. I am ready for a fresh start and possibly meeting someone new. I know love still exists and I know there is someone out there for me. Its not going to be my top priority because I know God has a plan for me. I believe he wants me to be happy and I truly believe that things happen for a reason. I will have a good outlook this year and I will take what comes at me and make it through.

We all survived the week long visit with their dad. Annabelle has had some emotional stress since she has been back, but I think that is about over with now. I stopped nursing accept twice at night and I hope to whittle that down over the next couple of weeks. We had a nice laid back Christmas this year. It was the quietest Christmas Eve I think I have ever had. I got a Wii for Christmas and ordered the Wii Fit Plus with the balance board today. I am excited and I really hope I make myself use it. I am ready to get this weight off and a hell of a lot faster than last time. I ordered Evie an iCarly game for it as well. I hope she likes it.

Lonely Christmas

Yesterday the girls left to spend seven days with their father and there is already drama involving his mom. I have again been made out to be this horrible, spiteful person. I shouldn't let it get to me, but I do. But, they are my children and I am doing things according to the divorce papers and what he & I agreed to. I will always be the bad guy and I will never be able to please them. I should really learn to deal with that and accept that my relationship with them is over.

I wish I could just go up there and get them and never let them go again. Anna is having to wean abruptly and I feel so bad for her. She is so used to nursing on demand. I just hate that she will have a hard time. I know they don't care how I feel and they are pissed that they aren't in control of the situation. I feel like a broken record. There is nothing I can do to ever please them. All I can do is keep the best interest of my children in mind. They seem to just care about what they want and how they have been wronged.

Worst Christmas ever.

The holidays kind of suck

Like a lot of people, I tend to get into a funk during the holiday season. Its not that I don't like Christmas, but it just seems to bring on a whole set of emotions and activities each year that I don't have to deal with the other 11 or so months. It seems to be about pleasing everyone else and it doesn't seem as magical as it used to be. Its definitely nowhere near as fun as it was when I was married. I don't have anything really special to look forward to this year. The girls will wake up Christmas morning at their father's house and I will get them later in the day. I wish I had someone to wake up with to enjoy the morning with. It feels like that may never happen again. I want my girls with me, but I also want someone else to share it with as well.

I had a 'date' Friday. I believe it went really well. We talked and laughed and flirted. There were promises of future dates and there was a great kiss at the end. Then, nothing. The guy has his phone surgically attached to his hand to text yet, none of my texts were returned. Last Sunday I was stood up and have had no communication hence forth. I don't understand why people will forgo basic common courtesy and and just be honest. Life isn't worth all of the silly little games that people play. I want to spend my time with someone having fun and getting to know each other, not wondering if he is going to call or text or like me when we meet. I am too old for games. But, I guess we put up with shit like that because we don't want to be alone.