Ch ch ch changes

You know that poem by Robert Frost 'The Road Not Taken,' "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." I feel like this is where I am at in my life. I am making the changes and taking the unfamiliar path and trying to make that difference. I think this is my awakening. Unfortunately, at this very moment, my best friend is taking the same road he has been down many times before. But, this time the people that love him and want to support him are not taking that journey with him. It is time for him to make a change in his life and take the less beaten path; to get sober, to get healthy, mentally and physically and to save his life so that he can have a chance of saving his relationships. His girlfriend loves him but can't stay with him if he is drinking. He can't manipulate the people closest to him anymore and his reality is smacking him in the face. He is going to jail for a period of time, he is being evicted, he was fired from his job, kicked out of school and his credit cards are maxed out. What the hell is stopping him from making that change except his selfish mind and his addictions? Is holding on to someone you love worth making them and yourself miserable if you refuse to stop drinking? He is going to wake up one day and no one will be there and he will either try to find someone else he can manipulate to take care of him or he will get his shit together, get help and be the man he needs to be for firstly, himself and secondly for the people that love him. I can only do so much but I will not be his enabler. I love him too much to watch himself self destruct.

6 years, 3 months, 2 days

Why couldn't you be man enough to fight for us; for your family? You just gave up. Instead of sticking it out, you bailed.

We had our problems but people have been through so much more and made it through. Why couldn't we have at least tried?

I miss my family. I miss my husband. I miss you.

Take Tomorrow - Butch Walker

You got lost, For a while.
You've been trying to find a smile.
You got stood up, then you fell down,
and when you needed , there was no one around.
You loved the previews but hate the movie.
You scream at the screen, "Something move me!"
before you start to fade away.

Give me all your fear, Throw it all away.
think about the good things, no matter what they say,
we'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
one day at a time.

You just stare into space,
you found love but it got erased,
you're on the road with all the stoplights,
and you're too afraid to turn the wrong from right.
You ate your soul and it made ya fat,
starve yourself from everything else that makes you completely full.
So give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
one day at a time.

So you run, so you hide,
and you watched as they die,
they all fell, you could fall too,
or you could sew your wings and try to fly right through.

Give me all your fear, throw it all away.
Think about the good things, no matter what they say.
We'll take tomorrow baby, yeah,
One day at a time.
One day at a time.

Maybe it's just me

Maybe I just need to stop trying so hard. I feel like the ones that I invest my time and energy into, are the ones that shit on me the quickest or the most frequently. Am I a glutton for punishment? I have gone back to the one that I always seem to gravitate to. The one that is a known liar. Will I ever learn? Probably not. The nice one just didn't do it for me. He was in fact, too wimpy and I don't think he would have stood up for me or defended my honor if it came down to it. So, I seek out the boisterous one that would kick someone's ass if I simply asked or he saw that I had been wronged. That is something I appreciate but am I willing to put up with the other stuff? Has he changed? Were we meant to be together? I am filled with so many questions right now and I know I should just sit back and let things happen naturally, but I have never been good at that. Can I do it this time around and hopefully not get my heart broken. I am rambling.